I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize