I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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