I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
