I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
