his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
