Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
