Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
