It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
