if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
