I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
