While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
