she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
