3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
