It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
