i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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