our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
