Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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