why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
