you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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