Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
