and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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