He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
