can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
