wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
