Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
