his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
