She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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