I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
