You can't motorboat a personality
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize