Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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