You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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