Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
