I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So many bounce houses so little time
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
