Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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