I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize