I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
