hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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