There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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