found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
