Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
