how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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