im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
