Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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