Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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