Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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