I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
