so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
