Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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