bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
