I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
