Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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