I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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