Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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