another moral hangover. fuck.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
