You just made me feel so damn special
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
