help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
