Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
