Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
