I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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